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Pregnancy Journal: Week 5

6/18/18 (5 weeks!): Today marks 5 weeks! This is longer than 10 of our pregnancies, and the tests have darkened as much as they possibly can, so now we just rest in God’s faithfulness. I’m feeling sick and tired of being sick and tired, but I’m hopeful that it’s all a good sign. I’ve managed to at least keep my prenatals and thyroid meds down, so that’s good.

Food aversions: bacon, most of the time (if you know me, you know bacon is LIFE, so this is weird. And horrible ?), burritos, most sweet stuff, other than sweet pickles (usually I love dill best).

Foods I’m loving: salad!!!! I can’t get enough! Crackers, especially peanut butter or cheese bites, water with lots of lime, spinach artichoke dip with corn chips, carbonated water, cheese. Coffee depends on the day, which is weird and funny!

Also, I can’t stop SMELLING EVERYTHING! I already have a heightened sense of smell, which is even more heightened during pregnancy, but this one, dear Jesus help me. Everything smells SO MUCH and I can’t take it lol!

6/19/18 (5w1d): Today, I’m so exhausted. Everything has been hurting for over a week-my hips, my legs, my sciatic nerve, my muscles… ugh. Everything aches with a vengeance. Several times, I’ve been unable to even walk. ?

Again, I’m hoping that these are all good signs? High hormone levels? Lol who knows.

6/20/18 (5w2d): Today began with phone calls and messages and lots of prayer and overwhelming feelings of how on earth to choose a midwife, and being nervous that anyone would even take me.

After a crazy turn of events, we ended up with a last-minute tour of a local birth center recommended to me by several friends! I prayed that God would show me clearly if it was right for us or not, because I am getting to the point where I need to start being seen, but choosing from scratch with not much time is not fun with pregnancy hormones. ?

The “vibe” in the center was amazing, the staff so kind and friendly, the birthing rooms so lovely and homey, and their constant message of being positive and strong was so encouraging.

It ended with meeting the owner and one of the midwives, who has experienced more miscarriages than I have, by a long shot! ? That was a first for me. I could see in her eyes that she just “got it,” and I knew it was the right fit for us. Also, she was already recommending early prenatal monitoring and care for me, given my history, which is something I could cry about. I’ve spent almost 5 years begging doctors to care about my baby BEFORE the typical 8-10 week appointment, which my babies don’t make it to. ?

Before we walked out the door, one of the girls told me “The important thing is to just breathe. Each week, breathe. Celebrate each week that goes by, and stay positive.” I was holding back tears (although let’s be real, I cry about everything now ??).

I’m super excited about this new development!

Tonight, we told our Life Group about the baby, and we were met with excitement and prayer, thanking God and believing he is going to do this amazing miracle. After a week full of disbelief and judgment being thrown at us, it was nice to have an all-positive response! (The bulk of the responses we have received have been positive, loving, and wonderful! But the naysayers always seem to drag us down, and it’s disheartening)

As far as food goes today, the thought of every food made me feel like I was going to hurl, so I just didn’t eat. I was starving and even more nauseated by about 4:30, and finally ate some chicken, but as I finished, that started making me sick. Lol I can’t win for losing! It’s a good thing I’ve got so much reserve for this kid. ?

6/22/18 (5w4d): yesterday, I felt so horrible, I got out of bed only for the bathroom, and to get a carbonated water from the fridge, because it meant less time on my feet than putting ice and water in my cup. I didn’t hydrate or eat because I was so miserable, and that made me more miserable. ??‍♀️ I had a total breakdown last night, wondering how I’m going to get through this, I already have commitments and things scheduled, 2 businesses to work on, and laundry to keep up with. I’m used to having to slow down because of my health stuff, but never being down all the way like this. It’s kind of killer. ?

Today was rough again, and I almost canceled plans tonight, but I hate backing out of commitments, and I had already invited family to come, so I pushed through somehow, and I’m so grateful that God gave me a small break in the misery, because I so needed the fellowship of the women from church and the women from my family who came along!

Oh also, I braved Costco whole feeling awful, but my awesome cousin came with me, and it seriously just helped having her there! I’m legitimately blessed with the family I was given! ❤️

6/23/18 (5w5d): Today is a weird mix of feeling extremely exhausted, and having moments of intense nausea, with glimpses of normalcy. I’m thankful for the moments of normalcy in between ginger and naps.

Fortunately, my cousins suggested a local taco place for dinner, and it HIT THE SPOT! I think it’s the first meal I’ve had in over a week that didn’t want to come up afterwards! I savored every moment, and it was nice to sit back and feel like “wow that was delish!”

6/24/18 (5w6d): Today, I looked back on previous pregnancy records I had jotted down on my phone, in preparation for my first appt tomorrow, and I was reminded that in 11 of my pregnancies, I already had spotting or some other problem with low hcg/faint tests by this time. With my 4th pregnancy, I didn’t have known problems until our 7.5 week ultrasound, but at that time, baby had only grown to 6w2d, and the heart beat was 60-70, which is too slow for 7.5 weeks (gest. Age was confirmed by charting and by ultrasound at 5w6d). Although with my 4th pregnancy, the only one with properly rising hcg, it was still much lower and later than this one.

So this week is crucial! Please pray that baby grows strong and blasts through this milestone!

Today, I also came VERY close to running out of church to hurl, but then I felt like it was so bad that if I moved to get up and walk out, that would make me puke right there before I could get to the bathroom, so I stayed put and really tried to mentally psych myself out while chowing down on ginger gum and sucking ice water. Fortunately, it eventually calmed down!

I’ve never been so thankful to be so miserable, but it’s also just… quite miserable. ?

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