6/25/18 (6 weeks): Today, I barely even stirred when Ben got up and around for work, next thing I knew, he was kissing me goodbye! It’s been a long week, and I was utterly exhausted. I fell right back into a deep sleep, and didn’t even wake at all until 9:45! ?
I’ve lost about 5 pounds in the last week, just from lack of intake, something I’ve never had a problem with. ??
6/26/18 (6w1d): Today was such a hard day. This week, the enemy has been crushing me with attacks already.
I made it to our Life Group in the evening, and was so blessed and overwhelmed by the people who showered love on us, despite barely knowing us. These people have been through hell and back, sometimes many times, and yet they have so much faith. It was humbling and inspiring.
We got home and checked the mail, only to find this surprise gift of a CUSTOM ONESIE from my sweet friend Mandy, who runs this awesome Etsy shop:
I cried! ? How amazing is that?? The time, money, and resources it takes to design and print a custom onesie just for me… I’ve never had anyone invest that much into their support for our belief in a miracle baby! People pray and say nice things, but… it’s risky to act in faith. I’m so grateful for her standing with me in this way! ?❤️
Also, I have to plug her business, because she is SUCH an amazing person, and also, her designs are the best I’ve ever seen! I loooooove them, and own more than I care to admit. ??
7/1/18 (6w6d): yes, well… let me tell you about the heart attack I had.
I had some Walmart pregnancy tests left over from the giant masses I bought early on lol, so every few days, I take one, just to make sure my hcg isn’t like, massively dropping. The test line is so much darker than the control, it can’t get any darker, so I don’t know if the levels are rising ok.
So anyway, I took the test and the test line was noticeably lighter than the control. ?
Starting to panic, I took another test, hoping the first was a dud. No such luck.
I sat in the bathroom, crying and freaking out, and googling things like “can your hcg drop at 7 weeks and be ok?” Knowing full well the answer was no.
What I DID come across was something called “the Hook Effect” that I’ve NEVER, in all my 5 years of working on a family, 12 past pregnancies and losses, probably thousands of pregnancy tests, and countless research on all things pregnancy/fertility related have I EVER heard of… holy cow.
You can read more about this HERE, but basically, when your HCG reaches a certain level, it can freak the test out, and the way to find out if this is what’s going on is to dilute your urine and take the test again. Now, every bit of me was freaking out, because if something was wrong with the baby, diluting already-low hcg would make the test line even lighter. ?
I took a deep breath, begging God to help me, and diluted my lovely cup o’ pee and took my last test.
It was darker! ?
This is insane, guys:
So there you go, if you’ve never heard of the Hook Effect, now you know! ???♀️ And now I’ve officially reached the end of what pregnancy tests can do for putting my mind at ease. Lol
Despite everything, I was determined to make it to church, and I did! But it was a massive battle to fight the dizziness and urge to vomit. It was amazingly worth it, though, and even though we high-tailed it for the door after, we couldn’t even leave before 2 people stopped and prayed over us. I think that’s so amazing and a testament to how in tune with the Holy Spirit these people are. ❤️
One sweet lady gave me a wonderful word regarding the anxiety that comes with dates, especially as it relates to my previous pregnancies. I needed that so much. ❤️ #Heisstrongerthantheenemy
Weekly overview (because I was too sick to blog my thoughts as they happened each day lol):
Struggles: Constipation and bloating. UGH. Like how can it even be this bad?? It’s usually bad in my pregnancies, but this is insane. I’ve lost 5 pounds but my belly is huge from these issues. ??♀️?
Being awakened BY the drool dripping down your face, because it’s that bad. ?
Crying all the time, and realizing that you’re crying over literally nothing, but being unable to stop it. Like, PMS is Bruce, and this is the Hulk.
Aversions: EVERYTHING. But on different days and at different times, making meal planning almost impossible. Mealtime looks like “how much effort does it take to make, and does the thought of it make me puke?”
Blessings: This week, I shipped off my very first box of consignment to my favorite clothing shop, Eek’s Attic. My dear friend, Erica runs this amazing group of women, and she has created a culture of empowerment, support, and love, and I just adore being in there!
Even though her clothing (and even the Boutique) is budget-friendly, I recently told her I had to pause my bundle bag subscription and all purchases, because we just got hit with $1000 in lab work that we weren’t expecting, in addition to the other thousands in medical expenses for this baby (see previous posts about our insurance coverage snafu. Also, clarification: we are insured, and have always been insured, but when switching insurances, we happened to conceive this kid during a “30 day waiting period” that we knew nothing about. Not that it mattered, because we haven’t been able to get pregnant for a year, so we weren’t expecting to… expect. ? So… we have absolutely zero coverage on this baby. ? A blow when things are already tight.).
I was really bummed about this, even though it sounds shallow, because I don’t spend a lot of the money on myself that most women do, due to our tight finances, starting over after losing everything, and all of that. This was my one little “splurge,” and it wasn’t even a splurge, because it was ridiculously inexpensive clothing that I actually wear, and it made me feel great about myself!
Well, I was able to clear out my (already tiny ?) closet of some “goal clothes” that I won’t be fitting anytime soon, and got some credit to use on a bundle bag, with more to use in the shop! I’m so excited lol!
This week has been hard, I am in bed most of the time. It’s killing me. I’m well acquainted with crushing fatigue from Hashimoto’s and Narcolepsy, but this is even more debilitating, which is saying something. I hate being kept down! And especially because I can barely even sit up without being hit with dizziness and nausea, so I spend most of the time lying down. ??♀️
But I’m learning to appreciate the few little “sun breaks” (if you have ever lived in the PNW, you’ll know immediately what I mean) as they come, and I’m doing my best to adapt to the rest. ❤️
Week 6 (well, 7), you are over! On to the next… ??