Trailer Trash Balderdash

Clear vision in 2020: A year of self-care

Happy New Year!

As I sit here, in my messy dining room, overlooking my even messier living room, I feel overwhelmed. January 1st is supposed to feel like new beginnings. Do overs. Fresh starts. Clean slates. All that jazz.

This is real life at its finest (ok, most painful)

But instead, all I can do is think about the 872 things I need to get done. TODAY. And I just kind of want to cry.

2019 was a rough year. I birthed my rainbow baby in February, but had complications and emergency surgery right after, instead of being able to enjoy the “golden hour” with my child. I was grateful to just be alive. We had breastfeeding struggles due to severe lip and tongue ties, and my husband had to go back to work after a week, so I was left to fend for myself with critically low blood levels and a newborn that wouldn’t latch, torturous tongue exercises that had to be performed on him every 4-6 hours round the clock, and doctor’s appointments several times a week an hour away. It almost made me crack.

And just as soon as I felt like my health was recovering and I was adjusting to motherhood, I became a single mom. In the midst of incredible chaos, heartbreak, and the unknown. I don’t know how I’ve survived, but somehow God kept me going, and the drive to do whatever you have to to take care of your child is SO powerful. I averaged 2-3 hours of sleep a night for months, and although I’m dealing with the health consequences of that now, it kept us alive. The amount of moving and things I had to do, by myself, with a 5-month-old, was mind-boggling, all while sleep-deprived and in a horrible emotional state…but…we made it. I saw something that said “You have survived every single thing you thought you wouldn’t.” It’s SO. TRUE.

Anyway, I started 2019 off pregnant, living in an RV, and married. I ended it with a baby in my arms (ok, crawling all over me, who are we kidding), in a rental house, and separated from my husband. A year can bring a lot of changes. Some good, some not so much.

I felt overwhelmed for most of the year, but one of the things that stood out to me is a “challenge” that was born of a conversation with a dear friend of mine about self-care. We discussed how important self care was, yet how the most common perception of self care was a day at the spa or splurging on a mani/pedi, and not everyone can afford those kinds of self-care. We decided that there were definitely other means of self-care that didn’t blow the budget, and decided to have a week of self-care and report to each other daily. It was one of the best weeks of my life, though it was actually a horrific week otherwise. We both had a ton of rough things come up that week, yet being able to pick at least one little thing to do for self care each day and discuss it kept us going. We both ended the week understanding self-care a lot better.

This year, I want to have something for self-care every day. See, self-care isn’t just about one week here and there. It’s not about spending money on expensive things or vacations or fancy relaxation. It’s not about “treating yourself,” but more about taking some time, whether it’s 5 minutes or an hour, to focus on your entire wellbeing-physical, emotional, spiritual. To intentionally do something that improves any or all of those things. To refill your cup so you’re not running on empty.

So this year, I’ll be sharing what I’m doing each day for self-care, and I hope you’ll join in! I’ll (try to) share daily on Instagram (@trailertrashbalderdash), and probably just a weekly overview on here. 😉 My hope is that we can all share ideas and encourage each other in this, and end 2020 with overflowing cups. <3 We can best take care of those we love from our abundance, not our deficit.

One of the things I’m planning on doing for self-care in general this year is blogging again. It’s something that is important to me, though my blogging style (is it really even a style? It’s so haphazard and includes so many different things lol) doesn’t appeal to many, lol! I plan to share real life in a way that most people don’t. Because we’re (mostly) all living that ultra normal life. The one that isn’t carefully curated for social media. The one that doesn’t have perfect lighting, magical song lyrics, and daily Starbucks (which there’s nothing inherently wrong with lol, it’s just not the average life).

So my wish is to share the more relatable, albeit not-so-dreamy life. The hard stuff. The struggles. The fun moments that might not be perfectly captured in an artsy way. The nitty gritty. The average mom with an average life, average (ok, probably more than average) dirty laundry piles in the bedroom, who makes average meals, and wears average clothes. Lol!

Anyway, I hope you join me in my year of self-care! Feel free to share what you’re doing for self-care, and here’s to 2020! <3

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